Emotional Triggers, Leadership and Personal Growth
by Dr. Thomas Detert, CHPC, DDS, BSc
Certified High Performance Coach®
There’s a moment in every professional’s life when someone from your past resurfaces—not to cheer you on, but to tear you down.
It could be a former colleague, a toxic boss, or someone who simply can’t handle your evolution. Their words may be sharp. Their actions may be subtle. But the impact? Real.
It happened to me recently.
Unprovoked. Unexpected. And deeply triggering.
Despite the emotional mastery I’ve spent years developing, I found myself gripped by a cocktail of anger, disbelief, and old narratives I thought I’d outgrown.
And that’s when I remembered the quote that has become a north star in my own leadership journey:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
— Viktor Frankl
That space saved me.
The Myth of Unshakable Leaders
We often assume that the more accomplished or experienced we become, the less we’ll be affected by emotional triggers.
But that’s a myth.
The truth? The more responsibility we carry—the more visible, vocal, and purpose-driven we become—the more likely we are to encounter resistance. Internally and externally.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about never getting triggered.
It’s about recognizing when we are, and making a conscious choice about what we do next.
What I Chose Instead of Reacting
When that attack landed, I could’ve fired back. Justified myself. Called others. Ventured into damage control mode.
Instead, I paused.
I moved my body.
I journaled what I felt, without judging it.
I reached out to someone I trust—not for revenge, but for reflection.
I let myself feel the sting of betrayal, and then I let it move through me.
Most importantly, I didn’t give the other person the power to define me, derail me, or distract me from the life I’ve worked hard to create.
The Power of Letting Them
Mel Robbins has a concept I love called the Let Them Theory.
Let them gossip.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them say what they want.
Let them be wrong.
Because when you try to correct everyone else’s perception, you exhaust your energy fighting battles that were never yours to begin with.
Letting them… doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re wise.
What This Has to Do With High Performance
If you’re a dentist, entrepreneur, or healthcare professional reading this—you already know the demands of your career aren’t just technical. They’re emotional.
Your team. Your patients. Your peers. Your own inner critic.
High performance isn’t about running faster on the hamster wheel.
It’s about rising above the noise—especially the internal noise—and choosing your responses consciously.
This moment reminded me that real power isn’t loud.
It’s quiet. Grounded. Intentional.
It doesn’t rush to defend.
It simply returns to alignment.
For the Leader Who's Been Triggered Lately
If someone has come after you…
If a past version of you got poked…
If you’ve been tempted to react in ways that don’t reflect your current values…
Here’s your permission to pause.
You are not who they say you are.
You are who you choose to be in the space between stimulus and response.
And if you don’t yet know how to hold that space?
That’s exactly what I help my clients learn to master.
Ready to Lead Yourself Better?
If you’re tired of being hijacked by other people’s energy, stories, or projections—and you’re ready to step into a steadier, more emotionally intelligent version of leadership—I invite you to book a discovery call.
Let’s work together to help you reclaim your calm, power, and clarity—no matter who tries to pull you back.