The Most Important List You’re Not Making: Why a “To-Be List” Will Change Your Life More Than Any Productivity Hack Ever Will

9 Nov

by Dr. Thomas Detert — Certified High Performance Coach

This Sunday Growth Article was inspired by the works of Brendon Burchard, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Tony Robbins, and Mel Robbins.

Introduction: The Productivity Trap No One Sees

Everywhere you look, people are talking about productivity like it’s the Holy Grail of human performance.

Hustle harder.
Optimize your calendar.
Do your Friday Finisher.
Build your Battle Board.
Crush your quarterly goals.

Don’t get me wrong — I love a well-built productivity system as much as the next high-performance coach. Your habits matter. Your execution matters. Your systems matter.

But here’s the truth very few people ever talk about — and almost no one builds their life around:

Your achievements don’t mean much if you don’t like the person you’re becoming in the process.

Let that settle for a moment.

You can build the business. You can crush the goals. You can stack the revenue.
But if you become resentful, burned out, disconnected, depleted, or out of integrity…

Was it really success?

We’ve built a culture obsessed with doing, while starving for the deeper conversation about being.

We have endless lists of things we must get done,
but almost no attention on who we must become.

Today, I want to change that.

Today, I want to introduce — or reintroduce — something that is rarely discussed but absolutely life-altering:

The Power of the To-Be List

Not a to-do list.
Not a productivity trick.
Not a new system for your calendar.

But the daily, intentional practice of choosing — consciously —
the qualities of the person you want to show up as.

This practice, more than anything else, determines your destiny.

Part I — The Shift From Doing to Being

Doing is External. Being is Internal.

Your “to-do list” is a list of your tasks, responsibilities, and obligations.

But your To-Be List?

That’s about your identity.
Your intention.
Your soul.
Your truth.
Your future self.

As Wayne Dyer famously said:

“You don’t attract what you want.
You attract what you are.”

If you want a better life, you don’t start by doing more…
You start by becoming more.

And here’s where Brendon Burchard’s wisdom lands like a hammer:

“Randomness leads to mediocrity.” — Brendon Burchard

Most people drift through life in a reactive state — coping, grinding, surviving — but without ever intentionally choosing who they want to be.

Their identity becomes accidental, not chosen.
Their character becomes reactive, not intentional.
Their life becomes a product of circumstances, not conscious design.

A To-Be List ends the drift.

It shifts you from randomness to intention.
From mediocrity to mastery.
From drifting to designing.
From chaos to clarity.

Why We Avoid This Work

We avoid identity work because it requires honesty — sometimes uncomfortable honesty.

It’s easier to check off tasks than it is to look at your own reflection and ask:

“Am I proud of how I’m living?”

Checking off a box feels productive.
But transformation doesn’t happen in your boxes.
Transformation happens in your being.

Your Life Is Always Asking You: Who Are You Becoming?

Every moment — every conflict, every challenge, every opportunity — is a spiritual invitation to choose:

Will I react or respond?
Will I avoid or engage?
Will I hide or rise?
Will I shrink or stand?
Will I numb or feel?
Will I lie or live my truth?

No “to-do list” can answer those questions for you.
But a To-Be List can guide you there with clarity and courage.

Part II — What a To-Be List Actually Is

A To-Be List is not about pretending to be perfect.
It’s not about creating an aspirational public persona.

It’s about choosing — deliberately — the qualities you want to bring into your life… today.

Here are examples:

I will be honest.
I will be courageous.
I will be sober.
I will be a present father.
I will be loving to my spouse.
I will be kind to myself.
I will be calm in chaos.
I will be someone who finishes what they start.
I will be someone who takes responsibility.
I will be someone who keeps my word.

These aren’t tasks.
They’re identity anchors.

Because who you “be” determines how you “do.”

Part III — Why a To-Be List Transforms Everything

1. It Creates Alignment

Most stress comes from identity conflict.

If you say you want to be calm, present, loving, and focused…
but your schedule is built for chaos, reactivity, and self-neglect…

You’re living in internal conflict.

Your To-Be List ends that war.

2. It Gives You Agency

Identity is not fate.
Identity is a choice.

Every morning you ask:

“Who will I choose to be today?”

And suddenly you’re not drifting — you’re steering.

This is Mel Robbins’ territory: small decisions that redirect your entire life.

3. It Makes Your Goals Meaningful

Big goals without a strong identity create emptiness.
Strong identity without goals creates stagnation.

To-Be + To-Do =
Purposeful achievement.

You become someone you respect while building a life you love.

4. It Strengthens Emotional Mastery

When you define who you want to be, you naturally develop:

clearer boundaries
less emotional reactivity
stronger internal discipline
more presence
more compassion
more self-respect

Your identity becomes your compass.

5. It Elevates Your Relationships

Your To-Be List doesn’t just change you — it changes the way others experience you.

When you choose to be patient, loving, present, and grounded…
your relationships deepen.

6. It Prevents High-Functioning Collapse

People don’t burn out because they’re doing too much.
People burn out because they’re living out of alignment.

Your To-Be List restores alignment.

Part IV — The Science Behind It

Neuroscience shows that:

Identity drives behavior
Behavior reinforces identity
Identity becomes automatic through repetition

This is the identity-feedback loop.

A To-Be List is the conscious version of that loop.

Instead of letting your past shape your identity,
you let your intention shape your future.

Tony Robbins teaches:

“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”

Your To-Be List defines you consciously — not accidentally.

Part V — How to Create Your To-Be List

Here’s how I teach clients to build one:

Step 1 — Ask: Who do I need to be to live the life I want?

Not “what do I need to do?”
Not “what should I accomplish?”

Who do I need to be?

Step 2 — Choose 5–10 Identity Anchors

Examples:

I will be honest.
I will be healthy.
I will be courageous.
I will be disciplined.
I will be loving.
I will be present.
I will be grateful.
I will be someone who does hard things.

Step 3 — Put Your To-Be List Where You’ll See It Daily

On your mirror.
On your desk.
On your phone lock screen.
In your journal.

Repetition builds identity.

Step 4 — Morning Question

“How will I show up as this person today?”

This primes your brain to act in alignment with your chosen identity.

Step 5 — Evening Question

“Where did I drift from who I want to be — and how can I show up better tomorrow?”

Not judgment.
Not shame.
Just honest recalibration.

Part VI — How a To-Be List Heals Burnout & Rebuilds Your Life

I work primarily with dentists — people who are overwhelmed, overcommitted, and overextended — but this applies universally:

Executives.
Entrepreneurs.
Parents.
Professionals.
Anyone who feels disconnected from themselves.

The universal truth is this:

People don’t need another productivity hack.
They need a new way of being.

Burnout isn’t a schedule issue.
It’s an identity issue.
It’s the slow erosion of the self.

A To-Be List rebuilds what burnout destroys.

Part VII — To-Be Lists for Different Life Situations

For the Burned-Out Professional

I will be honest about my limits.
I will be someone who breathes before reacting.
I will be someone who values my mental health.

For the High-Achiever Who Lost Their Joy

I will be someone who celebrates progress.
I will be someone who allows rest.
I will be someone who reconnects with meaning, not metrics.

For the Person Rebuilding Their Life

I will be sober.
I will be responsible.
I will be someone who follows through.
I will be someone who does not abandon myself again.

For the Husband, Wife, or Parent

I will be loving.
I will be patient.
I will be compassionate.
I will be generous with affection.

Part VIII — Identity Shapes Destiny

Here’s the truth:

Your future is not random.
Your future is predictable.

Because your identity predicts your behavior.
Your behavior predicts your outcomes.
Your outcomes predict your destiny.

And if who you are being doesn’t change…
your life cannot change.

Ask yourself:

If I keep being who I’ve been…
what will my life look like in five years?

Does that thought inspire you?
Or reveal something painful?

Your To-Be List is your chance to change the answer.

Part IX — My Own To-Be List During the Hardest Season of My Life

I’ve lived through burnout.
I’ve lived through high-functioning depression.
I’ve lived through the darkest nights — the kind where you’re not afraid to die… but terrified to live.

My To-Be List was my way back.

At one point, my list was:

I will be honest about my pain.
I will be brave enough to rebuild.
I will be sober.
I will be compassionate with myself.
I will be someone who doesn’t abandon myself again.
I will be someone who helps others rise because I learned how to rise myself.

These weren’t affirmations.
They were lifelines.

They saved me.

Part X — Bringing It All Together

A To-Do List builds your productivity.
A To-Be List builds your identity.

And identity is destiny.

You want a better future?
You become the person capable of living it.

You want deeper love?
You become someone who loves deeply.

You want stronger relationships?
You become someone worthy of strong relationships.

You want more clarity?
You become someone who tells the truth.

You want better health?
You become someone who honors their body.

You want purpose?
You become someone who lives with intention.

Your life changes when you stop asking:
“What do I need to get done?”

and start asking:
“Who do I intend to be today?”

Conclusion — Your Invitation This Sunday

This Sunday, I’m inviting you to do something most people will never do.

Not set another goal.
Not write another task list.
Not reorganize your calendar.

But pause…
and ask yourself:

“Who do I need to be to live the life I’m truly meant to live?”
“Who am I becoming?”
“Does that person inspire me?”

Your identity is your greatest project.
Your soul is your greatest compass.
Your being is your legacy.

And your To-Be List is your map.

Thomas Detert