Fairness: The Most Overlooked Skill in High Performance.
Image courtesy of Adobe Stock.
by Dr. Thomas Detert — Certified High Performance Coach.
Dentistry attracts conscientious, responsible, high-performing people.
It also quietly trains them to be unfair — especially to themselves.
Many dentists pride themselves on being reasonable, fair, and accommodating. Yet behind the scenes, those same traits often lead to exhaustion, resentment, strained relationships, and a creeping sense that leadership has become heavier than it should be.
If fairness is such a virtue, why does it so often feel draining?
The answer isn’t that you’re too fair.
It’s that fairness has been misunderstood — and misapplied.
When used correctly, fairness is not a weakness.
It’s one of the most powerful, stabilizing skills a dentist can develop.
Why Fairness Feels So Exhausting in Dentistry
Most dentists were never taught how to think tactically about fairness.
Instead, fairness gets conflated with:
keeping the peace
avoiding difficult conversations
over-accommodating patients or team members
absorbing stress to keep the system running
putting personal needs last “for now”
Over time, this version of fairness becomes costly.
It drains energy.
It erodes boundaries.
It quietly undermines leadership confidence.
And because dentists are trained to persevere, they often normalize the cost — until burnout shows up physically, emotionally, or relationally.
A Familiar Scenario
You’re already running behind.
A patient arrives late and frustrated. Your schedule is full. Your assistant is stretched. You feel the pressure to “just make it work.”
So you squeeze them in.
You rush.
You skip your break.
Later that day, you feel flat, irritable, or disconnected from work you once enjoyed.
You tell yourself: “That’s just part of being fair.”
But was it?
Or was that an example of unfairness toward yourself disguised as professionalism?
Fairness Is Not Softness
True fairness is not passive, permissive, or self-sacrificing.
It requires:
clarity about what’s sustainable
courage to communicate honestly
presence during uncomfortable moments
respect for yourself and others
That combination isn’t weakness — it’s emotional intelligence and leadership maturity.
Fair leaders don’t avoid tension; they navigate it.
They don’t people-please; they set clear expectations.
They don’t carry resentment silently; they address issues early and cleanly.
As a result, they create stability — and stability is one of the most undervalued leadership assets in dentistry.
The Hidden Fairness Blind Spot
Here’s an uncomfortable truth many dentists discover in coaching:
They are far more fair to everyone else than they are to themselves.
They tolerate:
unreasonable expectations
blurred boundaries
chronic overwork
delayed rest and recovery
All in the name of being “fair.”
But chronic unfairness toward yourself doesn’t make you resilient.
It makes you depleted.
And depleted leaders don’t lead well — no matter how skilled or well-intentioned they are.
The Fairness Reset™: A Practical Framework
When a decision, conversation, or boundary feels emotionally charged or unclear, fairness can restore clarity — if you apply it deliberately.
The Fairness Reset™ is a simple, repeatable framework:
Ask yourself:
1. What’s fair to me?
Not what’s easiest.
Not what avoids discomfort.
What’s actually sustainable and respectful?
2. What’s fair to them?
Not people-pleasing.
Not appeasing.
Just honest, grounded fairness.
3. What’s fair to the future?
Not short-term relief.
Not emotional avoidance.
But long-term integrity and consequences.
Most people only ever ask the second question.
Dentists who lead well learn to ask all three — consistently.
Fairness as a Leadership Advantage
When fairness is applied intentionally:
decisions become cleaner
conversations become calmer
resentment loses its grip
self-respect returns
Teams function better.
Patients experience clearer boundaries.
Leadership becomes steadier and less emotionally draining.
Fairness stops costing you energy — and starts protecting it.
Why This Matters Now
Burnout in dentistry isn’t just about workload.
It’s about:
unexamined patterns
blurred boundaries
misplaced responsibility
and years of being unfair to yourself in the name of being “professional”
Fairness, when practiced correctly, becomes a burnout prevention skill, a leadership stabilizer, and a clarity accelerator.
Applying This Work in Real Life
Insight alone doesn’t create change.
That’s why I created a free, neuroscience-informed worksheet to help dentists apply fairness deliberately — not emotionally.
The worksheet helps you:
identify fairness blind spots
slow down reactive decision-making
apply the Fairness Reset™ to real situations
translate insight into clear, fair action
👉 You can download the Fairness Reset™ Worksheet here
A Final Thought
Sometimes the most powerful upgrade in your life and practice isn’t doing more.
It’s finally being fair.
About Revolutionize Coaching
Revolutionize Coaching helps dentists move from burnout to breakthrough using neuroscience-informed strategies that restore clarity, energy, and leadership presence — without sacrificing integrity, health, or purpose.
If this article resonated and you’d like support applying these principles in your life or practice, you’re invited to explore a discovery call.